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It is sad that some people who can contribute much can be disturbed and misdirected to concerns about what others may do to, or say about, what they contribute.

The human reaction is to defend what is your own, even though in reality, nothing you post on a wiki is ever truly just yours alone, even if signed, since the wiki is open to all, including those who make changes which appear to have oppositional and contentious roots.

Differences of opinion, character attacks, and contentions ensue, and the original intention to be helpful and contributive lose out.

It is best to refuse to contend and to be factual, making no direct or indirect statements which will contribute to, or perpetuate hostile commentary.

-- OneDayOnly''

"So if you've written and signed something, you're then happy to let someone edit it to make you look bad, leave your signature on it, and you wouldn't do anything about it?"

Yes, when people act like that the original intention to be helpful and contributive do lose out.

"However, I am not willing to leave my name on material that has been warped in a malicious manner. It's easy to take the high moral ground when you're not the subject of attack."

I understand how you may feel that it is not easy to stand back and see what you have said misinterpreted or mischaracterized. It is the same way for me, or almost anyone. I have on occasion felt that I have been a target.

I refuse to allow such feelings to deter me from my SimpleMinded direct approach.

Most often attacks were based on what someone felt about what I said, what they thought I was meaning, not about what I thought to be its direct meaning.

I cannot control others feelings, but I can control my own.

Usually I apologize (taking their feelings as expressed at full value) and if possible reword or make a clearer statement not imposing bad feelings on their part to exist.

It is sometimes all that is needed. Understanding and tolerance and a recognition of the fact that people who visit here bring with them all of their baggage and their background and that shapes how they react to others who are differently accessorized.

They bring a viewpoint and an attitude which is often completely different from my own. I try to understand what appears to me as maliciousness from a different viewpoint, that they are not being deliberately disagreeable, but that they see things in a way I do not.

If I can, I try to understand why they have reacted as they have.

That is why I said that it is sad that interactions between wikizens can distract one or both of the parties involved in dialogue from the essence of what they wish to say about the concern and how they feel about it, to side issues and begin talking at each other, rather than to each other, missing the point of letting meaning flow.

There have been times when I have felt as many others have, that it is easier to just leave off, to discontinue, to abandon dialogue and interaction. I haven't surrendered to that impulse because I believe it is better to keep trying communication than to stop.

I learned a valuable lesson in an instance in a coordinating meeting some years ago when in the course of the meeting, I felt as though I was being personally attacked. I was inwardly just about to explode.

But rather that do that, I quietly excused myself from the meeting and went to a friend's office, where I let go of my feelings in expressions which made my feelings to be Thinking Out Loud?.

After about 5 minutes, I began to hear what I was saying and came to a conclusion, without the input of my patient friend, who obviously had an understanding of where I was coming from and allowed me to vent, that what I was disturbed about, what had upset me, wasn't the truth of the matter, but how I felt about that truth being distorted.

The feelings had drawn me away from the issue and had crippled me.

From this I gathered a lesson which stood me in good stead since. That being that truth stands on its own, and that I must never take personally an attack on the truth as being an attack on me, and that I should continue to believe and proclaim truth to those who will hear it.

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Page last modified on May 03, 2020, at 10:14 PM